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6月30日雅思A类写作高分范文~
发布来源: 小站雅思 发布时间:2018-07-03



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小站烤鸭机经


小作文

 

类型:柱状图

原题回放:

The chart below shows the rate of males and females who were overweight in Australia from 1980 to 2010.



范文解析

看到小作文,我们首先要定位3W(when, where, what),该柱状图描述的时间是过去的4个年份,跨度30年。地点为澳洲。内容为超重男女的比例。该题目内容一目了然,男性比率总高于女性,所以思路解答上可以男女分开,描述各自的变化趋势。范文共计8句话。

高分表达

compares  the gender distribution

rose  merely

 in four separate years

shooting  up and arriving at its peak at

it  is apparent that

a  marginally downward trend

was  significantly higher than

Had  consistently increased

female  counterparts

had  remained stable


范文

The bar chart compares the gender distribution of overweight men and women in Australia in four separate years 1980, 1990, 2000 and 2010.

Across all the years, it is apparent that the proportion of males who were obese was significantly higher than that of their female counterparts. Initially, almost one half (48%) of the male tended to be excessively fat. This number rose merely by 4% in the following decade before shooting up and arriving at its peak at 69% in 2000. Subsequently, there was a marginally downward trend, ending up with 65%.

Similarly, the rate of females also showed an upward in the first two decades in spite of a relatively lower proportion (28%) occupied in 1980. This figure had consistently increased to 49% until 2000 and had remained stable by the end of the period.

In brief, the chart shows that although overweight population continued to be male-dominated in Australia over the past few decades,the gender gap had ultimately narrowed.(162 words)

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大作文

 

类型:混合类

原题回放

An increasing number of people are changing careers during their working life.

what do you think are the reasons of this?

Is it a positive or negative development for society?

范文解析

本文属于典型的mixed题型提问方式,但仔细分析提问要求,第一问只是单纯问我们原因,第二段则是强调分析对社会的影响,为避免逻辑论证的repetitive和TR的扣分。

本文主体段一:重点从个人角度分析跳槽的原因

主体段二:在社会的角度去分析其影响


文章结构

第一段:背景引入+题目要求

第二段:跳槽的原因分析

第三段:跳槽的对社会的积极和消极影响:虽然促进人力资源的合理配置提高生产力,但增加社会的信任危机,浪费企业资源.

结尾段:总结员工跳槽出于一些列原因,且亮出自己观点 

 

高分表达(范文中已用红色标注)


in  a state of unabated turbulence

经济环境不稳定

habitual  job hoppers

惯性跳槽者

deleterious  impacts

不利影响

the  novelty and passion for work

对工作的新鲜感

employee  satisfaction

员工满意度

highly-paid  jobs

高薪的工作

give  priority to

优先考虑

jobs  with promising future

有前途的工作

the  universality of our country higher education

高等教育的普遍性

prohibitive  cost of receiving further education

接受高等教育的高成本

Divulging  confidential information

泄露机密

job-hopping  

跳槽

reasonable  deployment of labor force resources

优化人力资源的社会配比

raise  the social crisis of confidence

增加社会信任危机

vocational  training

职业培训



高分结构(范文中已用蓝色标注

demerits  caused by…….

分词后置定语现象

employees  fully apply their expertise accumulated from

v-ed非谓语结构限定

may  attribute to a range of factors nowadays

原因替换句型

the  deleterious impacts on society caused by Job-hopping outweigh its positives.  xxxx outweigh its positives.

 

观点表达句型

Being….,hardly do /can…

倒装+分词状语修饰

Reckon  sth to be sth

宾语补足语

Given  the undesirable effects on society escalating as a whole

分词做原因状语



范文

With the global economy in a state of unabated turbulencerecent years have seen a surge in the number of habitual job hoppers. However, changing occupations for employers may attribute to a range of factors nowadays. From my perspective, the deleterious impacts on society caused by Job-hopping outweigh its positives.

 

Career transitions stem from a variety of contributing factors. Firstly, the novelty and passion for a comfortable working lifemore often than notcan be soon get worn offthus the majority of employers give priority to changing careers that is regarded as the most effective and efficient approach to promote job satisfaction. In addition, for the universality of our country higher education and prohibitive cost of receiving further education, a growing number of employees with decent academic backgrounds expect to switch to a highly-paid job with promising future to offset the vast investment in education. Moreoverthe trend may also involve the recognition that for most of the adventurous white collars, to switch jobs can be also considered as a shortcut to gain better personal resources to draw on.

 

Undeniably, changing occupations does contribute to the social mobility and optimize reasonable deployment of labor force resources. when employees fully apply their expertise accumulated from study and daily life into work, they can achieve higher social productivity. However, I perceive that this phenomenon does more harm than goodas job hopping can also raise the social crisis of confidence. Specifically, being afraid of high risk of divulging the confidential information, hardly do companies trust employees and invest better vocational training in themthis is all simply triggered by the career transitions that have already labelled those job hoppers as lazy or unreliable.

 

In conclusion, a wide range of contributors are closely associated with job hoppinghowevergiven the adverse effects on society escalating as a whole I reckon shifting to other job posts regularly to be a negative practice.(325 words)


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